Loneliness is something that commonly affects converts to Islam but it may not necessarily be only converts who feel loneliness in Islam. So regardless of whether you’re a convert to Islam or born Muslim, here are some practical ways to help with easing loneliness both practically and spiritually.

As an emotion, Loneliness can be difficult to cope with, especially during challenging times. Islam stresses the importance of community and brotherhood (or sisterhood) in order to prevent loneliness. However, in today’s modern world, we can often feel isolated despite being so digitally connected.

So what can you do to help fight this loneliness? What are some of the ways which greatly helped me as a convert to Islam? As someone who became Muslim, I totally understand how you feel. I had no Muslim family and my weekends had consisted solely of going out and drinking. What on earth did I do now?

I had to completely change my life and my social life. Some friends stopped inviting me out right away and others still invited me out but then stopped once I kept declining to go out. So what did I do and how did I find a fulfilling life as a new Muslim? Here are the best ways to help with loneliness and the ‘sunnah’ or recommended ones too.

Why are many converts to Islam lonely?

Loneliness is extremely common in the convert community (learn more about the meaning of revert here) and there are many factors that contribute to this.

The biggest factor for many is that Islam is so different to their previous lifestyle before they converted and finding a new way of life is not an easy transition.

On top of this huge lifestyle change is that both family and friends may choose to distance themselves from them and even go as far as disowning them. Even if they manage to keep good relations, holidays or other events can be difficult due to lifestyle changes.

They may also live in a country where there is hostility towards Muslims, this can definitely complicate things! As they may be scared to be visibly Muslim or talk to people about Islam. Some may even be scared that anyone finds out that they’re Muslim.

In some circumstances, reverts also choose to distance themselves from others as they find their Islamic way of life is at odds with those around them including even family. However, I would always encourage Muslims not to isolate themselves where possible. As Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings be upon him said):

“The believer who mixes with people and is patient with their harm has a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people, nor is patient with their harm.”

Sunan Ibn Mājah 4032

Ramadan in particular can be very lonely for converts without family. They are fasting alone and breaking their fast alone in many cases.

If you happen to read this as someone who is a born Muslim, please please please invite converts to your home. Especially during Ramadan! If you see someone at the Masjid on their own, have a chat with them. If you don’t feel comfortable at your home, arrange to have a meal together outside for iftar.

Practical ways to help with loneliness

1) Attend an Islamic centre or mosque

This is the first and most important. Once you register your details with a local Islamic Centre, they will normally keep you up to date with events and courses. The second is to be involved regularly and this requires effort from your side.

If there are a few different centres available, visit each one a few times and see which are more active within their community. If you’re a convert, try to find one that is popular with converts. As they will typically understand your struggles better.

Classes are a great way to not only increase your knowledge but also give you a chance to get to know others. Start with a new Muslim class if you’re worried you don’t have enough knowledge or sign up for an Arabic class. You’ll typically find a few different options.

Many classes are online but if you’re feeling lonely, it’s better to find ones in person. As online classes lack the social elements and it’s very rare for people to reach out or connect.

If you’re male, of course attending the prayers in congregation is mandatory but if you’re a woman attending can also help with loneliness too. Just feeling connected in the prayer and hearing the beautiful recitations will help. Then Inshallah you meet others going regularly too.

Though I do find, most people pray and then go on with their daily lives so that’s why I recommend classes or events first.

Prayer rooms or areas at work however are different and I find people tend to chat here if you go regularly. Usually asking who you work for or what department you are in.

2) Volunteer

You can volunteer for a Muslim charity or for your local Islamic centre or mosque. If you put yourself forward and volunteer, you’re going to meet more people for sure! Both from getting to know those you are volunteering with and also those you come into contact with from volunteering.

On top of this, you’ll feel more positive and really feel part of the community. Plus if you help at the Islamic Center, inshallah you can help some fellow converts.

Volunteering is something I highly recommend! I volunteered for my local Islamic centre when I first converted and I really enjoyed having that sense of purpose. Plus it meant I chatted to a lot of sisters too.

3) Don’t be afraid to reach out

I know it’s not the normal thing for us to ask but if a holiday is coming up and you’re worried about being alone. Ask a Muslim family or neighbour if you can come to join them.

Just a simple, “I really hope you don’t mind me asking but I’m often alone when breaking my Iftar during Ramadan. Would it be possible to join you one evening?”

Sometimes people don’t realise that you’re alone and if they were born Muslim, they probably don’t realise how lonely it can be as a revert to Islam. It’s the same for us when it comes to Christmas. We tend to just assume everyone has someone they can spend it with. However, there are people out there who are all alone but others don’t know it unless they say.

Reach out to your local Imam or Islamic centre also. They may decide to put together an event if they know there is a need for it in the community.

If you feel depressed or like your mental health isn’t good, then definitely make sure to speak to a professional. A qualified Islamic counsellor can help. I personally recommend Michelle from Bright4Life as she is also a revert so understands our unique struggles. She offers online counselling across the globe.

4) Build your family relationships

In the beginning, this will be tough for most of us, some families may even cut you out completely but don’t lose hope. Keep trying to make things better with them. Try to share with them the positives in your life where you can.

Don’t keep Islam like some topic that is top secret. Involve them. Then try to build bridges. I’ve seen many reverts be ashamed to share their Muslim life with their own family and this conveys to your family that it is something to be ashamed about. They’re also never going to gain an understanding of something if they never witness any of it!

Of course, it may be awkward at first but just keep going on. Family is important and you’ll definitely feel lonely if you can’t speak to them anymore.

For example, rather than saying “Sorry I’m busy on Friday.” Say, “Sorry I have to go to Friday prayer at lunchtime.” Even if they make a negative comment, they might google ‘What is Friday prayer’ and these little things can really have a much larger impact than you realise.

If they do say something horrible, try to stay calm and not get defensive or shout. If you can, try to sit down with them and ask questions. “Why do you feel this way? What has upset you?” Listen to them first and then see where you can reassure them.

I found explaining that “I’m still the same person as before, just my belief system has changed,” helped a lot. The less you make it a big deal, the less they’ll see it as a big deal. I worked in sales for many years and this really works in many situations!

5) Use technology

These days with social media and online communities, you can reach out and find other Muslims in your area.

Personally, I prefer Instagram since you can connect one on one with sisters or brothers (if you’re male) to chat which is nice and more personal. People are more friendly on Instagram.

Facebook groups are a lot less personal and sisters can be quite harsh to each other sadly. If you are a new Muslim, I would tread with caution on these because not all the advice you will get will be good or even Islamically sound. So feel free to join them but just remember, don’t take everything to heart on the internet and don’t accept everything either!

But meeting in person should always be the preferred way if you can, as often these types of relationships don’t give you the full emotional connection and can even make us feel even lonelier when we neglect our real lives for the digital instead. It’s also very easy to look at other people’s lives online and feel like their lives are perfect. Adding to the sadness and loneliness.

So my advice is this, use technology to help make relationships that turn into real-life ones rather than relying on technology for a relationship with the ummah. It should be your bridge, not your end goal.

6) Be active & approach people

If you see another woman wearing a hijab in the street, don’t be afraid to go up to them and start a conversation. Even with your local centre, don’t be afraid to speak to other members there. It is sunnah to say ‘salam alaikum’ to another Muslim remember!

I know this isn’t easy and thankfully I live in Dubai where people are so much more friendly and chatting to each other is far more common! However even in the UK (where I’m from) and people are more closed off. Often starting a conversation completely changes the demeanour of a person.

Take the initiative yourself. Start a coffee morning for people similar to you, whether that’s for Muslim Mums or Converts. Create a WhatsApp group for people to meet up.

Attend Islamic events regularly and don’t be afraid to travel to cities if you live in a smaller place. Only by regularly attending somewhere will you start to get to know the people. After seeing you a few times they may ask, “Hi, I’ve seen you for a few weeks here, are you new in the area?”

I see many women saying they feel lonely but then when they are invited to an event, they don’t go! You have to ignore that voice of doubt in your head, the one that says you’re scared or you’re too tired and just go for it! Once you are there, you’ll be glad you did but that initial step is often what stops you.

7) Get married

Okay Danni, easy for you to say! Marriage will usually solve your loneliness. Whether we like to admit that or not! Marriage is part of your half deen but you also need to approach marriage with both a determined attitude and an open-mindedness.

Of course, we all have our ideal list for what we’re looking for in a partner but if they don’t tick all of these while having the right intentions and a good heart. That is more important than the right career.

The irony of my marriage is, I never thought I would marry the nationality I did or they would be a Doctor. I never set out to marry a Dr but many people put that on their wish list. Here is me not caring at all and ending up marrying a Doctor. In all honesty, I thought I would marry someone with their own business since I have a passion for business.

My Dad is a business owner too. So if I’d been so set on what I thought was right for me, maybe I would have said, “No I don’t want a Doctor, they work long hours and it’s not the same as owning your own business.” Then I never would have met my husband!

Also yes, it’s not easy these days. Yes, you’ll have to keep meeting people and it will feel impossible some days. Also, be aware of some of the toxic attitudes towards men in the West we see! Things like “All men are bad” or “There are no good men left.”

There are good men left, I assure you! Equally, what do you bring to the table? Are you expecting the man to always work on himself and never on yourself? If you’re a man, are you expecting them to be very religious while you are partying with the boys? It goes both ways and our mental attitudes affect the process a lot!

Spiritual and psychological ways to deal with loneliness

Muslims who feel lonely may find comfort in the teachings of Islam, as it emphasizes the importance of social interaction, companionship and building relationships with family and friends. Islam stresses the importance of community and brotherhood in order to prevent loneliness. For example, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “There is nothing stronger than the bond of brotherhood” (Bukhari). This serves as a reminder that no Muslim should ever feel alone or disconnected from their peers, and that they should strive to foster meaningful relationships with others. Additionally, Allah has promised us that He will never leave us on our own in moments of hardship; “And lo! Allah is ever Near” (Qur’an 2:186).

8) Use this specific dua for loneliness

There are many different duas you can use, depending on what you prefer:

Duas for companionship

Allahumma yassir-li jaleesan saalihaa.
O Allah! Bless me with a good pious companion.
(Bukhari 3742)

Fatira assamawatiwal-ardi anta waliyyee fee addunyawal-akhirati tawaffanee musliman waalhiqneebissaliheen.
Creator of the heavens and earth, You are my protector in this world and in the Hereafter. Cause me to die a Muslim and join me with the righteous.
(Surah Yusuf 12:101)

Duas for loneliness, distress or sadness

Allah, Allah, Rabbi la ushriku bihi syai’a.
Allah, Allah, my Lord, I do not associate anything with Him.
(Sunan Ibn Majah 3882)

Yaa Ḥayyu yaa Qayyūm, bi-raḥmatika astaghiith.
O Living, O Self-Sustaining Sustainer! In Your Mercy do I seek relief.
(Jami` at-Tirmidhi 3524)

Dua for healing relationships

Wallaahu yahdee mai yashaaa’u ilaa Siraatim Mustaqeem
Allah, by His Grace, Guided the believers to the Truth concerning their differences. For Allah guided whom He will to a straight path.
(Surah Al Baqarah 2:213)

There are many times when we are told Allah answers our duas. These are when we’re in sujood or prostrating to Allah, when we pray in the night before dawn, after our obligatory prayers and when rain falls. There are more but I find these are the easiest to make use of in our daily lives.

9) Have patience and faith

Look I know, I hate this answer also. There’s nothing worse than when you feel lonely, someone telling you to have faith in Allah but it is true. Saying Alhamdullilah, even if you don’t 100% feel like it, it will make you feel a little bit better and stop you from focusing on you being lonely which also relates to our next point.

Having that gratefulness no matter what your situation is goes a long way and will make you feel better about the situation.

10) Don’t focus on being lonely

If you wake up every day and say “why am I not married” or “I feel so lonely.” This increases the amount that you feel alone and id you continue to focus on these every day, then this is all you will see.

Remember to focus on the positives too. For example, “Alhamdulillah, I am single. I have all of my own free time to decide what I want to do. I don’t need to wash someone’s laundry or cook a meal for my partner. I can go with my friends or sign up to an Islamic class without worrying about anyone else’s needs. I can work and enjoy all of my own money.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not encouraging anyone to stay single. I enjoy being married and it’s amazing having someone to share your life with. I do prefer it over being single but there are some days I miss that I could just go to the Islamic center and sign up the classes. Going out for coffee with my friends many times a week and not worrying about anyone else or home commitments. That freedom of time is lovely and is something you give up for a long time once you get married or have children.

Everything has its own different blessings.

11) Don’t let Shaytan trick you

We have to be self-aware and remember that Shaytan will use our own insecurities and feelings against us. Whether that’s tricking us into not going to the Masjid or meeting up with other sisters by putting doubts in our minds.

Reflect on why you feel a certain way and be strong. Keep your regular prayers, use dua and seek protection from Allah. Keeping regular prayers, checking your intentions and purifying your heart all work together to help as a whole with many of the issues we face as Muslims.

FAQs

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Before you go, make sure to read some of my other helpful articles:

What is Ramadan like in Dubai? Should I visit Dubai during Ramadan and what to expect
Converting to Muslim in Dubai; what is the process like and how do I do it?
Where can I attend an English Khutbah in Dubai? Mosques doing English sermons

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Conclusion

I really hope these tips help and feel free to reach out to me if you’re a convert and struggling. As long as I can clearly see you’re a sister, I’m happy to respond.

The most important out of all of these is making dua regularly, having faith in Allah when we have struggles and doing our best to be an active members of the Muslim community. Then inshallah all the other things will follow.

Alhamdulillah when I asked Allah for a good group of sisters, I was blessed with the most wonderful women around me and when I was going through a really tough time in my life I made dua in sujood. I asked Allah, “Please I know this life is difficult and I will be tested but at least let me have someone through these difficult times.” Then Subhanallah I met my husband only a few months later.

If Allah hasn’t answered your dua yet, just remember that Allah knows best and we often do not see Allah’s wisdom until after the time has passed.

It is completely normal to have ups and downs, to feel unhappy sometimes. Finding healthy ways to cope such as exercising or reading Quran is equally important. May Allah bless you and guide you inshallah, Ameen.

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